Once family, always family?

MotH told me a tale today that has horrified and angered me. So what better place to share this – though beware: I will be opinionated and righteous.

MotH has a cousin who I’ll call Mr R. Mr R is married to Mrs R and they have two children Ms L and Master D. Now Mr & Mrs R have already caused a split in their family, through an argument with Mr R’s brother and sister-in-law. The argument occurred 7 years ago, and since then Mr & Mrs R deny that the brother and his family even exist. They refuse to attend any of their family’s events, unless it is a big event where the extended family is involved. Mr & Mrs R then arrange to arrive at different times to the estranged brother, and circle the venue in order to never meet him or his wife. This has, of course, generated great distress to the Mr R’s parents who cannot get him to see reason, nor to forgive if only for his parents’ wishes. I tell this story only to illuminate the background to my tale of today.

Mr & Mrs R have alienated family, but have remained close knit with their two children – an allied little unit against ‘the rest of them’.

Until Ms L has announced she is pregnant. Ms L is 23, and has been living with her boyfriend for 18 months. She is a qualified nurse and her boyfriend is fully employed tradesman.

Mr & Mrs R have disowned her.

They don’t like the boyfriend, never have, and see her actions as a slight against their ‘good name’.

This is where I got angry.

When a man and a woman undertake to bring a child into the world, I believe they undertake a duty and obligation to love that child for whatever that child will be. That love should not be shut off when the child chooses a different path to that desired by the parents.

How dare they? When Moth related the tale I got so incredibly angry. Ms L is an adult. She is able to make her choices in life, including who her partner will be and how they will live. However, based on her parents’ past behaviour, we (the extended family) all know that they having said they will disown her – they will, permanently.

I wish to slap faces until their reasoning returns. I wish to verbally strip them to pieces. And simultaneously I am so sad for Ms L. How can these people deny their daughter, and deny their future grandchild.

I think I surprised MotH with my anger, to the point that I am sure he will make sure I don’t bump into Mr & Mrs R anytime soon. It may well be a wise thing as I am sure I will not be able to control my anger.

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5 thoughts on “Once family, always family?

  1. I am angry reading this, and I don’t even know these people! This is a bit close to home for me for a whole lot of reasons I can’t go into in a public forum but I feel for Ms L so very, very much. In spite of my feeling that 23 is so young (!!) to be getting into this, it’s happened and now I want to hug her and say ‘honey, congratulations & good luck’.

    I hope she has a fabulous life ahead of her and to be honest, her child is probably well out of such narrow minded grandparents.

    Have a cup of tea, keep calm and carry on x

    • I know these people which makes me even angrier. The parents are white middle class pseudo-Catholics – so I don’t get it. Though I know there are far greater injustices in the world, this relatively small one is close to home. And it is not small to Ms L or the child to be. I am very glad other family members have let her know the feelings aren’t shared. And I’m glad I am not the only one outraged.

  2. Penny says:

    Oh my… this makes me cross too. And so sad. I don’t think I could ever disown my children. I might be sad and distressed by their behaviour but they are still family. How awful.

  3. Very angry and feel for Ms L but unfortunately familes are TOUGH! What’s the saying – “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger…”

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