Reflection & resolutions?

Today is the day for reflection on 2011, with perhaps some resolutions for 2012. I sought back to what I had written last New Years’ Day, and found 1) that I said I didn’t make resolutions (doh) and 2) my predictions for what would occur in 2011 were unfortunately spot on.

I had predicted that I would need to find a new job as mine was due to expire in June, September or December. It expired in July. Mid 2011, during #blogeverydayof june, I was contemplating what I wanted to do next. As it was, I fell into a ‘created’ job at MPOW which was reasonably unsatisfying. This is not to knock the team I was working with as they are fabulous people, but I do not cope with piecemeal work and no long term objectives. An opportunity came my way in October/November when a temp0rary Senior Management position was advertised. I was very fortunate to land this job and am absolutely loving it! This has come as a huge surprise to me, as I thought I would like it and it would buy me some time (which it has) but I am truly enjoying going to work now. What this has made me realise is that I hadn’t being enjoying going to work for most of previous 6 – 9 months.

Of course the job is temporary – till September 2012. Continuation in the role is not in my control either, as the role is the result of the domino effect of an ‘acting’ position elsewhere. However it has opened up opportunities as this is a management position and I really didn’t think I would ‘manage’ again, having been previously burnt in ‘management’ positions. I have only had 4 weeks in the role so things may change – but I welcome the challenge and shall enjoy all it throws my way, and I choose not to worry about September until about July.

In last year’s blog I also mentioned my brother, who at that time had lost the use of his legs to MND and was beginning to lose the use of his arms as well. MND can strike fast, and Geoff lost his fight in October, on my mother’s birthday. It is still hard to type all this and I already have tears in my eyes and a huge lump in my throat. The tremendous loss I feel comes in waves. I am just relieved that he is no longer struggling with the frustration and pain of the disease, and that we all had our opportunities to talk with Geoff and let him know that he was loved. Not everyone gets that chance.

I had ended my blog stating that while there ‘no landmark decisions to change my behaviour, … in tackling the above my behaviour may indeed alter’. I am not sure if this has happened. I am not one for deep introspection, I am one who acts.

For 2012, I will continue to act: to ensure my happy family stays happy, to ensure I am productive in my working life and to ensure my friendships and relationships are based on a reasonable dose of honest and bucket loads of goodwill. I think if I can do that I’m doing OK.

[On a humourous side note, my sister had made 2011 the year of ‘living honestly’. 2012 for her is now about ‘building bridges’ to undo some of the damage ‘living honestly’ has wreaked. So I think a ‘reasonable dose of honesty’ is the safer way to go. Sometimes the little white lies are not soul damaging but a smoother path to maintaining relationships.]

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