I’m spinning around (Post 12)

I am finding the days a strain. I mentioned earlier in the month that I’m struggling with vertigo… and it’s really wearing me down as the simplest things give rise to confusion and disorientation.

Today was meant to be an easy day. I am only working part time at the moment as I can’t deal with more. Today the aim was to work from home and rest.

Unfortunately the day didn’t start well, though I’m not sure why. By the time I’d dropped the teens to school I was already feeling spacey. I had a number of things I wanted to complete for work, so I ignored the symptoms and headed to the study. Four hours later I had completed what I needed to. I’m very happy with what I achieved, but as soon as I stopped…. oh dear.

Standing was an issue, needing to hold on to the desk for support. And my head was swimming. It’s a strange feeling to try to describe. I no longer feel the whole world tilt and whirl, but the sensation is more of confusion – of not being sure of what I’m seeing or experiencing.

A break for lunch helped, though the symptons didn’t completely clear. The afternoon was to be restful – sitting watching TV and knitting. Except that knitting spins me out. Goddamn it – how on earth can knitting spin someone out! Reading has the same effect. Geez, how low can it go! Later, after picking kids up after school and doing a brief shopping expedition, my mind is in serious peril – I feel like keeling over.

This was an easy day. Tomorrow I go to work again. Only from 9am to 3pm (in theory) but most of the day is meetings. I don’t cope with meetings. I think the imbalance is caused by watching/reading faces and trying to take notes… It makes me slow to respond, and people have really started to notice that I’m not quite present and ‘dulled’.

I am at least glad it will be Friday. The weekend may hold more rest, but it is difficult to completely stop the world. To really rest I need to do nothing. I could probably watch TV, but I need to do nothing else at the same time. And I find that difficult. I usually have the iPad (a big no-no), some form of craft (also a no-no), or a book (guess what – a no-no). I am doomed to become the most bored person on earth.

Bored, but perhaps not spinning? If I do spin, which way do I spin?

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