Snap, crackle, pop (Post 25)

At the best of times, when I get tired I get testy. If you add the woozies and a sensation of being off-balance, the tiredness comes earlier and the grouchies follow.

I was fine at work for most the day, with the dizziness and imbalance setting in as I left for the day just after 4pm. It had been a pretty good day health-wise so I was disheartened when the same old sensations returned. By the time I got home after the 1 1/4 hr commute, I was suffering.

Then it doesn’t take much. The joking response of ‘really, do I have to?’ from my husband when I ask him to take Kid1 to calisthenics. The call of ‘Muuummm’, which usually means one of the kids, or both, ‘need, something. Realizing the bins aren’t out yet. The dog faithfully following me every step around the house as his way of saying he hasn’t been fed yet.

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

My family has worn this for the last 2 months. In my life at the moment, the world does end with a bang, not a whimper.

Sorry.

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I’m spinning around (Post 12)

I am finding the days a strain. I mentioned earlier in the month that I’m struggling with vertigo… and it’s really wearing me down as the simplest things give rise to confusion and disorientation.

Today was meant to be an easy day. I am only working part time at the moment as I can’t deal with more. Today the aim was to work from home and rest.

Unfortunately the day didn’t start well, though I’m not sure why. By the time I’d dropped the teens to school I was already feeling spacey. I had a number of things I wanted to complete for work, so I ignored the symptoms and headed to the study. Four hours later I had completed what I needed to. I’m very happy with what I achieved, but as soon as I stopped…. oh dear.

Standing was an issue, needing to hold on to the desk for support. And my head was swimming. It’s a strange feeling to try to describe. I no longer feel the whole world tilt and whirl, but the sensation is more of confusion – of not being sure of what I’m seeing or experiencing.

A break for lunch helped, though the symptons didn’t completely clear. The afternoon was to be restful – sitting watching TV and knitting. Except that knitting spins me out. Goddamn it – how on earth can knitting spin someone out! Reading has the same effect. Geez, how low can it go! Later, after picking kids up after school and doing a brief shopping expedition, my mind is in serious peril – I feel like keeling over.

This was an easy day. Tomorrow I go to work again. Only from 9am to 3pm (in theory) but most of the day is meetings. I don’t cope with meetings. I think the imbalance is caused by watching/reading faces and trying to take notes… It makes me slow to respond, and people have really started to notice that I’m not quite present and ‘dulled’.

I am at least glad it will be Friday. The weekend may hold more rest, but it is difficult to completely stop the world. To really rest I need to do nothing. I could probably watch TV, but I need to do nothing else at the same time. And I find that difficult. I usually have the iPad (a big no-no), some form of craft (also a no-no), or a book (guess what – a no-no). I am doomed to become the most bored person on earth.

Bored, but perhaps not spinning? If I do spin, which way do I spin?

Sew wrong (Post 7)

I forgot to blog last night, and I’m blaming the sewing machine. I had tried to write a post earlier in the night and found no inspiration… And then thought, well I have to sew this calisthenics costume for Kid2. I’ll take some photos as I go through and talk about that.

Except my sewing machine hates me. It played nicely as I sewed up the leggings – no problems at all. The Lycra was my undoing. Or should I say it was the sewing machine’s undoing.

Now the machine will not sew. It goes through the motions, but the two pieces of fabrics are merely clingy to each other with friction, with two pieces of thread loosely knotted on top. And it did this 10 times, with me pulling the machine apart, searching for the dodgy cause.

I called it quits at 11.30, with the sewing machine winning the first 10 rounds. I will try again this morning, after my morning coffee or three.

Wish me luck.

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Fried Brain Friday (Post 6)

It’s Friday and I’m tired. I would usually have end of week fatigue, but today’s marks the beginning of 7 weeks of vertigo and I now have a head cold.

It is at least the start of a long weekend (yippee!!!) but there is a lot to do this weekend and I would rather curl up in a hole and hide.

I have to sew a calisthenics costume for Miss 14, be taxi driver and banker for Miss 17-on-Monday’s birthday dinner, ensure her birthday is enjoyable on the day, and catch up with some work I didn’t get to during the week – due to the woozies.

I’m feeling more tired now. So while this is what I would like to do….

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I’ll be hanging in there.

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Whinge is now over. Happy (long) weekend all!

In the flow, sorta – Post 2

So now that I’m back writing, I’m trying to get in the flow.

“Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.” Wikipedia

Sounds good. I’m not there. I am struggling with issues of balance, commonly know as vertigo, and this is now week 6. It sucks. I don’t like it.

I have found the following truths over the last few weeks:
– balance in your life is important, as is the balance in your head, and your inner ear
– without balance, your brain is seriously addled
– you can’t live your life with fulfilment if your brains are addled
– many people, far more than I expected, have been addled in a similar way
– becoming unaddled (yes I know that’s not a real word) is a long process
– to become less addled you have to revise your life to reduce the complexities
– complexities include work, anything that involves groups of people, anything that involves moving a fair bit, and any mental strain.

Complexities do not help with the flow. So I’ll just do my best and hope it’s ok.

In the meantime, I’m very envious of this guy and not just ‘cos of his wonderful hat sense!

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The Gene Pool – sink or swim?

After a tweet from @zaana today I was prompted to blog about genetics, or more specifically the genetic traits we inherit from our parents. In fact, in responding the @zaana my quip was about the pedanticism I get from my father, and the big bum I got from my mum.

It fascinates me how traits are handed down. Some are quirky, like the one pointed elf ear that Kid1 shares with her paternal grandfather. Others are less surprising, such as MotH’s male pattern baldness, inherited from his maternal grandfather. In some families, offspring are more the result of cloning one individual than a mix of two.

For myself, I have already listed 2 traits that have been passed on. The pedanticism, also labelled ‘anal’ by MotH, comes I believe directly from my father. I am just lucky that I am nowhere near as compulsive as he – as are those around me. I generally see it as a positive feature, though others may not. The positive side is that I am very methodical and systematic in my thinking, ensuring all is addressed. The down side is that I am not happy with unfinished work (especially by others), and generally do not wish to settle for ‘close enough is good enough’. The big bum thing, however, is not a positive. I have inherited what is termed in the family (maternal side) as a big saddle bag bum. My mother had the same bum. All my aunts have (or had) the same bum, and apparently so did my grandmother. My sister escaped it – which is something I have never forgiven her for.

My slightly asian eyes are Dad’s, while my longish nose and smile are Mum’s. Body shape is totally Mum’s, though facial appearance is more Dad. Colouring is a bit questionable as I’m the only dark haired, dark eyed child in the family. With a blonde, blue-eyed twin sister and a hazel-eyed red haired brother, our mixed colouring is more suggestive of bitzers or mutts than any genetic control.

Where I find this extremely enthralling is in looking at Kid1 and Kid2. Kid1 physically is definitely MotH’s side of the family, particularly his mother’s side and she looks a lot like one of his sisters. Kid2 resembles me more in the shape of the face and the build of the body, but both Kid 1 and Kid2 have MotH’s colouring – dark/ caramel blonde with green eyes. When Kid1 was born I was startled to see this lovely (at that time) blonde blue-eyed babe, as subconsciously I expected a bub with my colouring. Personality wise though, Kid1 has a lot of me in her – some of which is good, some not so. It’s very difficult to see the traits in your child that haunted you or made you vulnerable at a young age. On the up side, I can at least try to guide in the best way to avoid the hurt or at least understand it better.

Kid2 has definite streaks of MotH in her – in her mischievious humour, her skilful avoidance of responsibilities, her ability to self-amuse and her sporting capability. Nevertheless, others say they see both of us in each kid – and as a parent I think it can be difficult to see them clearly.

So, what have you inherited from your parentage? Or what have you passed on to your children?

Over-Grinched

Today has not been a good day, due to illness. The lurgy I’d been fighting since last Thursday has found new form and once again claimed my energy and spirit – hence, I have spent most of the day in bed. Though we has already earmarked today as a lay day, I hadn’t anticipated it being as useless as it was.

The kids have been great, amusing themselves with jigsaw puzzles, a bit of painting and some cookie creations. And for some reason, the movie of the Grinch, which appears at this stage to be running on a loop. Asked why it is STILL on, the only reply is ‘we like it’.

It was not favourite when it first cameout, and Kid2 used to be scared witless by it. I still remember managing one of her nightmares, and wondering why she was so scared of the ‘French’. It took me sometime to make the connection to the Jim Carrey green creature, and so we actively avoided the movie for a number of years. Apparently both kids like it now – enough to watch it over and over and over.

Unfortunately I see similarities between that green fiend and the illness that has beset me. I can see the Grinch inside my head, turning the headache screws with glee, jumping up and down on my sinuses, and setting of firecrackers in my throat. So, as the title states, I am over-Grinched. Back to bed.