Snap, crackle, pop (Post 25)

At the best of times, when I get tired I get testy. If you add the woozies and a sensation of being off-balance, the tiredness comes earlier and the grouchies follow.

I was fine at work for most the day, with the dizziness and imbalance setting in as I left for the day just after 4pm. It had been a pretty good day health-wise so I was disheartened when the same old sensations returned. By the time I got home after the 1 1/4 hr commute, I was suffering.

Then it doesn’t take much. The joking response of ‘really, do I have to?’ from my husband when I ask him to take Kid1 to calisthenics. The call of ‘Muuummm’, which usually means one of the kids, or both, ‘need, something. Realizing the bins aren’t out yet. The dog faithfully following me every step around the house as his way of saying he hasn’t been fed yet.

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

My family has worn this for the last 2 months. In my life at the moment, the world does end with a bang, not a whimper.

Sorry.

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I’m spinning around (Post 12)

I am finding the days a strain. I mentioned earlier in the month that I’m struggling with vertigo… and it’s really wearing me down as the simplest things give rise to confusion and disorientation.

Today was meant to be an easy day. I am only working part time at the moment as I can’t deal with more. Today the aim was to work from home and rest.

Unfortunately the day didn’t start well, though I’m not sure why. By the time I’d dropped the teens to school I was already feeling spacey. I had a number of things I wanted to complete for work, so I ignored the symptoms and headed to the study. Four hours later I had completed what I needed to. I’m very happy with what I achieved, but as soon as I stopped…. oh dear.

Standing was an issue, needing to hold on to the desk for support. And my head was swimming. It’s a strange feeling to try to describe. I no longer feel the whole world tilt and whirl, but the sensation is more of confusion – of not being sure of what I’m seeing or experiencing.

A break for lunch helped, though the symptons didn’t completely clear. The afternoon was to be restful – sitting watching TV and knitting. Except that knitting spins me out. Goddamn it – how on earth can knitting spin someone out! Reading has the same effect. Geez, how low can it go! Later, after picking kids up after school and doing a brief shopping expedition, my mind is in serious peril – I feel like keeling over.

This was an easy day. Tomorrow I go to work again. Only from 9am to 3pm (in theory) but most of the day is meetings. I don’t cope with meetings. I think the imbalance is caused by watching/reading faces and trying to take notes… It makes me slow to respond, and people have really started to notice that I’m not quite present and ‘dulled’.

I am at least glad it will be Friday. The weekend may hold more rest, but it is difficult to completely stop the world. To really rest I need to do nothing. I could probably watch TV, but I need to do nothing else at the same time. And I find that difficult. I usually have the iPad (a big no-no), some form of craft (also a no-no), or a book (guess what – a no-no). I am doomed to become the most bored person on earth.

Bored, but perhaps not spinning? If I do spin, which way do I spin?

In the flow, sorta – Post 2

So now that I’m back writing, I’m trying to get in the flow.

“Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energised focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.” Wikipedia

Sounds good. I’m not there. I am struggling with issues of balance, commonly know as vertigo, and this is now week 6. It sucks. I don’t like it.

I have found the following truths over the last few weeks:
– balance in your life is important, as is the balance in your head, and your inner ear
– without balance, your brain is seriously addled
– you can’t live your life with fulfilment if your brains are addled
– many people, far more than I expected, have been addled in a similar way
– becoming unaddled (yes I know that’s not a real word) is a long process
– to become less addled you have to revise your life to reduce the complexities
– complexities include work, anything that involves groups of people, anything that involves moving a fair bit, and any mental strain.

Complexities do not help with the flow. So I’ll just do my best and hope it’s ok.

In the meantime, I’m very envious of this guy and not just ‘cos of his wonderful hat sense!

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